XIII
O as I felt it coming that plane! Under the deceptive silence of Cindy, which vibrated the apprehension gnawing inside. Yet, the whole team, in his recklessness, was prepared without ostentation particular, as if it were a plan that nothing stands out. Cindy itself shows no sign may suggest its importance. But for me who had surprised Last night, the strange books that she had scribbled in a rage, and had discovered the messages that were traces of his doubts and anxieties, doubt was possible: that plane, she invested with a faith hardly imaginable.
At the end of the clip, a fade would punctuate the few seconds of silence before the resumption of my voice and piano. For the next shot, Cindy had planned a chain style. Both of my hands, I had to lower the black panel which had covered the screen. Such a plan does not present a priori any difficulty. Even opening the black panel required no effort cameraman. It is not by adjusting the lens aperture that Cindy had chosen to achieve this effect. It was really a piece of black cardboard that was precut me down as one opens the window of an airplane. In the continuity of a zoom, then I had to cross a second time in crossing the wall opening. The lack of traveling over our head no requirement op 'to synchronize the camera on my trip.
The traditional aspect of the work of the photographer insisted, however meticulously: the first catches were caught by lack of coordination among team members. Or was Wilson, our cameraman who zoomed too quickly and did not allow Sean and Robert, guardians of the panel black, slip away in time, so that the objective seized them before they had time to disappear from the frame, or were Sean and Robert not operating in the proper rhythm, or they have lowered the panel too quickly or too slowly, or that the movement has lacked fluidity, as Cindy.
Rehearsals were therefore necessary to ensure proper coordination between the panel and it helps to lower the camera zooms back. We had to resort to the floor with chalk markings. Equal force did not help my score. "Partition" is although the term used by the director when she talked to me about my work. Although she emphasized the initiatory journey of my character, I could not understand the feelings she was trying to describe myself. Cindy, I have already stated, hate explaining his approach. She claims that she often does not direct the actors and a stage or a plan not owe their success to the magic of the impromptu shooting. If this is not magic at the rendezvous, no editing, as awesome as it is, can not compensate for the absence. The emotion, "she said, arises primarily from an uncontrollable grace. It's an alchemy which depends on human relations within the crew but, beyond this aspect, appears mostly recalcitrant. Despite this admission of powerlessness, I prefer the term of humility, she had to depart from principle for the needs of the ultimate plan de Winter, whose success was only the quality of my interpretation. I'm not an actress. On stage, sitting at my piano, I only play my music. I also embodies me.
-Winter is your inner journey, you come back in more loaded with meaning at the time of departure, but lighter too.
Cindy makes no difference between Tori and my character, disturbing mixture on the screen of my personality and interpreted by my friend. That's why I learn as much about myself that when I viewed it on video for Silent All These Years, Crucify, Cornflake Girl and China.
Of all the shots where Cindy has forced me to draw to the depths of my being, the one that closes Winter remains arguably the most difficult I've ever played. Each shot ending with the everlasting shrug from the director which meant we had to redo it. I can not count how many times I had to replay that scene. Sean and Robert, by dint of repeat, had the leisure to perfect the timing of their actions. However, the director kept the sulky expression that I know him well when she feels upset. After taking the tenth, I even acquired, I think, a great fluidity in my travels. Cross the wall, so I did not feel the slightest problem. I had modeled on the music diffused continuously pregnant during filming.
-I do not understand what is happening, I even admitted Karen retouch my makeup came after the umpteenth take. It's really perfect. So I see when I'm in front of the monitor screen.
"I think it comes me, that does not express or express. She wants to return to my character that I bring the child in me while reverting adult.
-You can do it feel? Karen was surprised.
-Apparently not.
If Cindy had even dared to tell me what was wrong, it could help me in my game But she addressed me hardly speak. At the end of each take, we remain suspended from the verdict that was sometimes wait because the photographer left the board.
Between the tenth and twentieth taken, I began to feel very badly offended the time we lost, unable to draw me in the slightest ounce of talent. And I 'm putting to doubt. Doubt turned into a feeling of waste, himself ousted by that of a profound emptiness with a disgust for myself.
While Cindy was preparing to launch for the umpteenth time the slogan "Action!", His eyes met mine. I could hardly stand. I wanted to stop turning, unable to give her what she asked, disappointed as qu'épuisée, washed and washed. Mine broken, I felt my cheeks slide charcoal shadow. My vision was blurred. My turn to slow down, needing to walk around the room without disturbing them to come my thoughts. Won by the devastation, my impressions are tinged with dark shards that accentuated my desolation, while the team did not know quite how to take me back to reason. Cindy has never tried to shorten the moments of reflection I gave myself. She sat, leaning forward, arms raised through the legs, prostrate in the infinite silence. I saw Lesley dare approach.
-Cindy, I think you did your plan. You see, when you view all taken, it is forced, you will find the right one.
Without moving an inch her body became hopelessly cumbersome, Cindy could not hold back the tears that flowed over his face frozen.
The shooting stopped, the order was given to the technicians leave the room. Karen and Lesley threw me worried looks before disappearing in turn.
Once alone, Cindy and I stared at us in a silence that seemed interminable. It was she who broke first.
"What is it going, Tori?
-I do not understand what you are looking for. You told me it was the adult who recross the wall at the end. As in the beginning ...
No, not like at first, just ... Tori returns from his trip the girl she once was. The child and woman live together in it.
But, I know how to do it, Cindy.
-Tori returns from this trip enriched her child back. But this inner wealth is also the pain it carries.
"It is a mixture of vitality and sadness that you ask, right? Why you tell me anything since the first shot? I thought you were trying to torture me ...
Cindy Shoulders slumped abruptly, as under the weight of an unexpected pain. For the first time I saw him crack. His hands have not had the sense to hide her face in tears, probably through inexperience, unless it is in all honesty. She left the studio and me left alone, left to my questions, as a punishment to which she submitted.
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