test for resumption of the Journal neglected for so long. The notes will be rapid, defatted all unnecessary frills. A kind of logbook for existential benchmarks remain enrolled.
the castle, the activity is not brilliant. We are once again on the brink. Our lack of ardor, our irresponsibility, our lack-ing may again cost us dearly. Heim, de-sespéré by our immaturity, is not well at all. One day on two meals a -catharsis. In late March, the sentence will fall.
I just came from mononucleosis, or disease students , chopée I do not know where in I do not know what wench ... A week of fighting and organic exhaustion none.
I started writing my memory.
I will be a little more attractive in future ratings. ************
Paris, March 9, 1996
Sander, sweet friend,
At the end of our conversation, a little bitterness for not being at your side breathed into your ears for the sweetness you needed. Your letter
spins in all directions, with me for some incomprehensible graphs. I am deprived of certain subtleties, and some of your questions (I recognized the interrogative sign) are inaccessible to me. It would almost that you keep copies for me to read ... hey!
[You write in a nightclub, it's not made for it originally, right?]
The purpose of this writing in the cul-de-dungeon to decibels was the originally put into perspective this nocturnal world of relaxation with some superficial serious events in the news.
Razor wire where you are carrying around is laid down. Thy deep distress is touching, but I do not want to go in your direction. I must be a little tough to bring you hope for some help. Howl with the wolves has never fulfilled their hungry stomach. You 're a wolf playing almost everything, but basically hopeless. The manufacturer
despair is what can bring you the transcendence of human misery.
I want to your rebirth. Your friend's attention. ************
Chateau Au., March 14, 1996
Sander very expensive (just recount the tokens!)
As soon as the hook, I put myself in ink. She would not dwell on this occasion, since the literature that I've printed can not wait:
- Three texts written in box,
- Two reviews telematics Gulf War.
Touched by your last two letters, much more involved. I will certainly deepen my feeling by next letter. But there
, atla, atla!
With all my affection. ************
Train coral Laon-Paris, 15 March 1996 Amie
Sander,
Your desire to come to Paris before the summer is a great idea. For accommodation, I try a contact. I walk in your company in the span of cathédralesque Notre Dame can only enchant me.
[I'm going to see The 12 Monkeys, I do not know if I'm going to hang.]
This film is a success! Bruce Willis to a cut breath in his perfor-mance, a scenario well arranged, although the complexity starts sometimes the effectiveness of the action.
[The "shellfish" are people with whom we can not cover everything, they are frustrating. If we are face to face, I would have the opportunity to tell you more, unless you are completely inhibited in front of you.]
Why on earth this fear? I never eat the pretty girls (or women) but to give them pleasure, hey! No reason to spend a casual correspondence, a crackling phone jamming sickly ... I do not believe it. Our complicity grows over the letters.
["I love Paris in the springtime ... . She sings really well.]
you like our capital ... I either sing like Gainsbourg. While Big Lutece form an extraordinary concentration of the human universe, but this trend of overcrowding, always a sign of our continuing gregarious nature, does not promote individual quality.
[Music is indeed something that soothes me, like the ocean.]
The music is an essential art in my life. Not a day of the year when I listen to the tsoin tsoin of all kinds (funk, soul, new jack, jazz, blues, rock, reggae, rap, etc. ...). I do not practice any instrument, to my great regret, having been, little one, disgusted by an idiot teacher in teaching music theory at the con. Since then, except awkwardly tapping the keys of a piano, or do some oral trumpet (a specialty) I play only my voice, with some glee.
[JP did not your mind, it is less vivid, more earthy ...]
Thanks for the nice compliment on my and my alertness aérienneté (oh the horrible neologism!). I invite you to dance slow as you want whenever you want my Sweet! It ranks as one can, right?
[One night with little dream. Two hotel rooms: the 519, I was mad with, and 551 to side (?) Where there was Fab. Seaview A huge swimming pool with five people in a corner, why five? A guy kills two girls on a country road. It makes no sense ... I must be tortured bulb!]
Your dream is not so crazy as that. A bit violent, but your nature remains unruffled face some body scarves, right? At the end of adolescence, one of my dreams was the basis for writing the longest and most violent poem I had to send you, and his eon The pure binding. Again, even in the atrocious, we agree. The constant turmoil
your mind reaches a heightened sensitivity. Reserve your inner wealth to people who apply. You have the ability to play in your appearance ... is your power.
[I'm on this planet because of an accident or mishap ...]
Bitch of birth, relationship to parents terrible, lost between a shadow of a father and stepmother unforgivable. You're not spoiled. The influence of this gloomy picture on your relationship to men, a failed first love, and perhaps even a pig's deflowering. The advantage is to have created a distrust saving ...
Let the blackness of life, filthy and poor of all kinds, and rebound like a Venusian Eve ... a good program for you, if Adam is up.
[I wish I had a big brother.]
If I can be your lover, I would be honored to incarnate in big brother for you, to whom you ask to be his first witness to your marriage. And there, at least, it will be brother and sister for life!
[I have often dreamed of being a writer, anything but a doctor. (...) My cat sleeps on my dress, it does not bother him.]
Your cat's approximation and the writer suggests to me, of course, the figure of Leautaud about who I work for my memory. He received up to twenty dogs and thirty cats at the same time ...
Living with a writer, one of your deepest desires? I do not raise it ... hey hey!
[Why this fear of blood?]
Maybe I played a little too cozy with you mind: the sight of blood, guts and pus I'm not always fail, but it is true I could not live my days in the atmosphere hospital. [...]
[Your father did a lot of debt to buy that big house?]
The castle was acquired through a sci I am a partner ... this is not a purchase her own name. A cash component and the other through a loan ...
[Do not you feel isolated?]
point of isolation in this manor as I come back every week to Paris. This balance between feudalism and my little pied-à-terre in Paris for me. 230 inhabitants in Au, a little longer in Paris ...
[You have servants like any self-respecting lord?]
A gardener-handyman, a woman and two maintenance workers.
[Lyon Your friend is what neighborhood? It will be as clean reception?]
The bride price is Liberty and I assume that the reception will have all the charm needed: not too stiff or too sloppy.
[You know how you'll be dressed, without the shadow of the groom?]
My "cladding" for the big day is not yet fully developed, but my inclination seducer will not make me miss the boat. From there to overthrow the groom ... hey!
A mystery: why your clip or clap-clap-clip, depending on the direction, we can accommodate them both: small size of the equipment or fear of the girl?
[Summer, do you share between Laon and Pézénas?]
This summer, nothing is defined. My return trips will be rather between Paris and Au, with a trip to the south.
I am enclosing, as promised, the introduction of unfinished my memory. I'm not a braggart of the pen. A
you read carefully hold. ************
Monday, March 18
Midnight exceeded in a few hours another week to fight on all fronts. Resuming
contact last week with Madeleine Chapsal. All is well. I should participate in Limoges Book Fair in late April. Maybe I will end up Sandre R., delicious and bubbly girl with whom I provided a match.
************
Paris, March 24, 1996
Sander terrible
"My little Loïc" you say? So I adapt my support to your emotional perception [ choice of sheets in A5 ]. Again the pen drawn to meet 95% of your questions, carefully noted. The remaining 5% consist of unreadable or "false" questions.
[If I see a ring better than that of the Place Vendome, I tell you, I promise. A lord who can not afford this madness is a miser or a rich full debt?]
The lord of Crauze yet his wealth, I willingly confess. If necessary, I would break the stones to give it to you this ring. That's what declaring a gallant knight.
[You know some medical students in Paris?]
No, I have not had time to exit schools with my long raincoat. On the other hand, I am an ignoramus in the medical field. That could provide a legal scholar like myself a poet of domestic property? And then me, will you retort with the timeliness that I know you? A pearl lost in this barbaric world I think.
[What is your definition of romance?]
Romanticism in the nineteenth is an affectation-nian nian wan to Virgin, is a way of being full of attentions, intentions and seductive charms diffuse. Everything depends on the negative trend 
or positive one puts into his analysis.
[What did you like car?]
Another disappointment for you over burdened the Pike. I have no license nor, a fortiori, to puff or zoom-zoom, depending on the model!
[Do you have a favorite color?]
It depends on the surface: bright red waters of the heart beating, bright yellow for the sun burning for my black rags.
[Which box did you write?]
As mentioned in the chronicle of the box with holes Hookers and Dicks Soft is one of the most comfortable Lutetia: the Aquarium. A great chance to go paddling in rhythm.
[Have you ever had any marriage proposals?]
A request to go before the Mayor gentlemen and Our Almighty? Only once, in the context of a life with Kate. For the rest, I have not been long enough.
[What do you think of my stationery?]
Your paper scribbling suits me perfectly to the touch. Avoid all the same blue on blue ...
[I dreamed that you sold bottles of champagne to black, it means something, except that I stamped?]
I do not have the qualities of our late uncle Freud to draw some bright interpretations. I appear to you as a young aristocrat in disqualification, and alcohol reduces the second-scams ? Hey hey, what a picture!
[Your father does not practice any more psychology?]
More professionally for a long time. But if you want, I can get you an exceptional appointment.
[Why do they differ arteries throughout the body except the brain? The hand of God?]
is you who must teach me everything about the divergence of the ducts. I could write you I like that nonsense now.
[You're becoming my confidant, that's my vision.]
be your confidant, whispers understood me, I repeat, very nice. Comprehensive program to know that all your lands psychological ...
[What do you eat? Drink?]
I'm a glutton. Apart from the shells and cucumbers, I like almost everything. For cooking simple and fast, I'm very raw meat, raw fish and salad. To drink, sodas and water if I am alone; red wine and Bison flute (one third of vodka with bison grass, two-thirds of Coca-Cola and a max. Ice) in convivial meal.
[Why this habit of obscenity? It's your wall?]
I'm not following it, it's people and situations I describe. Grime is the lot of our civilization: I will not transcribe slowly and gently.
However, I have a love of words. Heim and paraphrase: "I love to ride my contemporaries in the poo. The foul language does not scare me, I fed them a passion for Stendhal. It is very sticky, stinking good, well excremental excellently that define the small staff that I lampooned. "
[Write you love letters?]
few under my belt. Instead of poetry or prose part of a larger whole.
[Your affection for women seems to be relative; are we so awful?]
I am in no way bitter about women in particular, but rather on being in general. A woman in the full sense of the word, is a delight for me unconditionally. But how long will she? The best of each is often very limited duration.
[Do not remember his dreams Did it make sense?]
This seems mainly a psychological condition satisfactory. Not to have turmoil.
[Girls of the night they read your texts?]
Write a text box creates, in effect, curiosity, especially of beautiful young girls. It sometimes happened to me reading passages, claiming that I was writing a thesis on relaxation in human environments of the night. Most often, the damsels looked at me with round eyes ...
[The law applies at all or nothing does in you?]
All or nothing to do with law as people may be a result of my passionate nature. In fact, I am much more accommodating than you think.
[What may look like your female role model?]
No absolute model, but some basic qualities to meet: femininity, beauty, intelligence, sensitivity, fizz, curiosity and sensuality.
[Passes you a lot of time in your castle?]
The Master of Arts seminars are indeed few. Especially for me since a month on three seminars, one was completed at the end of the first half, the second is interrupted since December 95 due to cardiac Professor (April 1, restore! But if!) and the third takes place on Tuesday fortnight. That's my program. The key is in the personal work.
[Karl also has living parents and adoption sentimental?]
Yes. Her mother was long companion and collaborator Heim. His sire has more to do, in fact never really did.
[What do you think about abortion?]
undeniable progress that must be used with caution and a great sense of morality.
[The writing seems a real reason to be home. In life it is your goal?]
Living my writing would obviously be the most wonderful situations but I do not believe in: my style and content may not excite many people. And how in the food writing is not up my alley ...
[Many women they leave you the impression of a lost dream?]
True that some young girls, that I could woo, joined what I called "the bottomless pit of unfulfilled". The lot of all existence in fact.
[What is a female behavior?]
behavior and psychology of a woman like that I hope are characterized by the harmonious combination of all the qualities mentioned above ... 
[Who is Monique?]
A Heim affected employees for 35 years.
[You write your bio. in your journal or as your daily impressions?]
My Journal (which I do not want the day to day) has three main directions: my personal life, my professional and my mood about the world.
[Be my lover, it's a good joke Vintage crauzien, right? And so I ended up being too damned?]
Okay, so I packed up my gear and sulk. Damn, yes, perhaps feeling he germ in me towards you ... Let ripen, hey hey!
That said, our conversation was the least intense emotions. I remain fully available and attentive your accomplice. Hot kisses.
************
Between Paris and Au March 27, 1996 Dearest
Sander, Illuminating
revelation and touching sensitivity than yours. Style and substance at last in harmony, and I drive filled with this overflowing emotions. But keep! Remains on the lookout for my own faults, because I'm far from perfect model! You are entitled to a clarity in my presentation. I tend towards the best course, my relationship to be improved considerably, but my misanthropy is nestled in some unexpected mystery.
First, the non-fulfillment of my goal sentimental (only one girl for life) made me very suspicious, and it is only recently that I'm aware of the new dual adventure.
Our complicity is written much more consistent than our oral affinities. The trust is currently flourishing, but not rudeness. The burst of emotion I have not always succeeded.
Your qualities, your wealth is to be obvious and should not be much that I fall, but expect the meeting and its unpredictable influence.
balance, so far, is difficult to impose itself between the delusional obsession and detachment timid.
Your mail is in any case, a nice generous human female and your fundamental value. I look
delight your little music epistolary.
Merrily, your friend.
************ From the bottom of the sack on 3/29/1996, 0:15.
Sander without gag
comforted by our conversation this evening. Emotions are repeated at full speed. A break in the complicity renewed. Tenderly and without cynicism, without provocation. Without paranoid, without undertaking demolitions, I'll whisper the most unspeakable thoughts.
[I am a "cursed" and a potential "lost pearl" at the time the two extremes.]
Damn, you? Other than a bad joke, I will not be the author of damnation. The style is to make the worst follies.
[You made a statement, you? It was not the stuff of the clip-clap, reassures me?]
My statement is a constant underlying in my mail. You do not believe me such poor nature to limit myself to a session "it will - it's coming" (reference to A Clockwork Orange Sander my sweet, even I stay in the obscenity cultural, hey!).
I will continue my response to questioning in a later missive.
Very big kisses, carnally. ************
Chateau Au., March 30, 1996. Alert
Sander, who questions the faster ...
Delighted to be at my office to respond naturally and efficiently to all your questions.
[You can have friends in various professional fields of hers, right?]
I understand of course the friendship with people from different worlds. My curiosity is too exaggerated for me to deprive myself of the pleasure to enter their domain. Derisive humor, perhaps, my descent into flame the medical community.
[I'm very surprised, but not disappointed to know that you do not possess your license. You okay you resolve to go, right?]
I see the need to move this p. .. permit. My code, the first successful coup, is now outdated. I get back soon, by necessity and not attractive to bangers.
[Confidants, we are, even if I'm older than you: at risk of being accused of being obsessed skewed? But the "whispers": we did it? Pure fantasy on your part or amnesia for me?]
think I gladly forget your whispers in our conversation late. But if he will! you can be gentle and quiet sometimes! (Hey!).
[If the best of each term is limited, I am scheduled until when?]
Your programming will, I hope forever, but what a witch (come on, the dictionary!) Can tell us contingencies of life?
[What are you implying by femininity, it is vague and unclear?]
Femininity is so difficult intellectually to set it is easy for me to feel in the first seconds of the encounter of a young girl, young woman, etc.. It is the combination of many criteria (behavior, intelligence, sensitivity, gestures, speech, body, etc..) tending towards harmony and beauty of being unique to women.
[Does not it cold in your region?]
it is easier quail gonads and loaves, I agree. But the cold never really bothered when a warm fire crackles.
[What dishes do you like perfume?]
I had two major flavors: formerly of Eau Sauvage Ch Dior, Eau de Rochas currently Men (one time as Mr. de Givenchy, I think ...).
[Do not you think that my writing improves?]
Your writing varies according to media which you have, but overall you're entitled to a good ... At least I'm not being familiar.
[Do you have whores in your castle?]
affinity Among my family, no whore you imagine. Among employees, I am not located in their lairs to know.
[What is your apartment like?]
For now, no definitive place in the castle during construction.
[What do you think of the combination of work and family for a woman?]
hard to respond with a generality. Above all, case by case, see her happiness. How many women supposedly "free and independent" does not resemble that of old monkeys distraught. Case by case "I said.
[Have you ever had the desire to have children?]
Ideally, nimbus easy to philosophize, yes of course for children. In fact, I do not feel quite ready, and I have not found the mother of these future toddlers.
[What do you think of infidelity in a relationship?]
This question deals with two levels (for men): moral and physical. The first is an intolerable betrayal, the second can only be considered by the basic agreement and the initial of his wife. Otherwise, This is the same verdict. Personally, if my wife fills me in all directions, I prefer mutual fidelity on all fronts.
[Why do you think that all men are vile aspects?]
point of misanthropy particular the male, but it is true that guys, once they are more than two, often become irrelevant, substantive con ... But, again, not too many generalities. For taste I prefer female company.
[Do you have perverse fantasies?]
A priori, for now, I have no sexual abuses that may include, for example, to make you get naked under your coat and you get raped by the most repulsive of your sick, or you defecate on it ... No, my point for me delicate Sander ...
[Are there any actresses that make you dream?]
Some actresses I was particularly galvanized. List: Ornella Muti foremost, then the disorder Beatrice Dalle, Mathilda May, Bo Derek, Faye Dunaway, etc.. Carla Bruni in the models, Sander R. corresponding with my ...
[Have you ever dreamed about me?]
I do not remember. It would be too hot for the decency to let my unconscious arise early morning. Although
before your analysis on our little dispute call. Mature, always mature ... hey hey!
Thank you for what you are, tenderly.
Thanks also for the poetry of this daughter of a rich tailpiece Lyon [Louise Labe] (which is why you did know better than me, hey hey). Impressions in an upcoming post ... sweet kisses. ************
3:10 Sunday, March 31. Advancing an hour to get closer to summer.
Point enthusiasm to fill these pages. 
Synthesis of time.
Side heart: continue my correspondence with R. Zander and Rachelle Sander dispute with Mr. Petit, quickly dissipated. One near Lyon, in Nice the other They are both friends, accomplices adorable ... And if one became a bit more than that. I've experienced anything sentimentally important since the end of my story with Kate (October 1993).
switchover Book Fair in Paris last Tuesday (second visit) with very attractive Karine girlfriend seminar letters.
pro side. : Stagnant literary records. Difficulty finding grants to fund them. Blame the judges of political thugs. Each elected trembles now pay for cultural projects. Last politician to have made voting a small purchase of books, Alain Carignon himself! And manic toga did rot in jail.
I send letters to journals in history to win a few collaborations. Come what may.
Continued formatting my memory. Ay-is finished! ************
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